“Everyone else gets paid; the doctors, the lawyers, the psychologist, the infertility specialist, but not the one person who is being poked and prodded and is actually doing the work and carries the risk?”. Importantly, the service of surrogacy is what is paid for, not the child: “How is this any different to a woman who becomes pregnant in the "natural" way, who buys the services of medical professionals in order to have her baby? If she decides to give birth in a private hospital, she purchases the services of her OBGYN, nursing staff, a private room and other goods and services required for her to give birth. Are these not commodities? Because she is paying for these services does this then mean she is buying her baby, or that her medical team are selling the baby to her? With surrogacy, there is just one more step in the process to have a baby, the services of a woman willing to carry the baby.” (1)Thus a surrogate mother can be said to be an extraordinary part of a pregnancy, but does not otherwise stand out from all the medical and technological services a pregnancy or childbirth requires today. All (Western) women are currently serviced during pregnancy by doctors and health professionals, thus the relationship between a 'natural' and a 'non-natural' pregnancy is de- and reconstructed.
“Now this baby and this couple will have this bond with this country. And in a way, become these a sort of ambassadors, these cultural ambassadors [...] It’s a confirmation of how close our countries can really be.” (2)Blog names like Made in India, Procreated in India and Million Rupee Baby indeed reflects the need of the intended parents to disarm the commercial aspects of transnational surrogacy by using humor and irony. At the same time, a courtesy to the Indian culture, of which the child is experienced as being a part of, is expressed. For example, the blog title Chai Baby mediates between the Indian context and the Australian's intended parents specific needs, and URLs as www.tajmababy.blogspot.com and www.cocoamasala.blogspot.com points directly towards the Indian context through the exotic terms like ‘chai’ and ‘masala’. The blog A Distant Miracle has a photo of the grand Taj Mahal as cover and the title “Traveling 7.500 Miles to Grow Our Family”, and the bloggers “Christmas Eve Boys” have a series of colorful saris as their cover illustration. Chai Baby offers a handwritten introduction, explaining how "masala chai" is made __and what the drink symbolizes in Nepal and India.
“The miscarriages, the missed attempts, the failed attempts, the exotic flus and whooping coughs, the dead sperm, paying for surrogates & egg donor we didn’t use, the grief of using an egg donor, the hurt, the sorrow, the anxiety, the fights, the worry, the bureaucracy ─ these are our birthing pains.Thus kinship occurs where people make an active effort. Feelings and intentions are transformed into kinship, also in ‘Edward’s comment to one of CharlieCat's other postings; here on the many concerns she and her husband had up to the decision not to meet the surrogate mother personally:
[……
Like all birthing pains, no-one’s is the same as anyone elses and you can’t compare journeys, but there are consistent themes that run through our stories. Anyone who thinks surrogacy is the easy option, think again and read some of these blogs from the beginning.
We, who do surrogacy are a brave, resilient tribe of people, we believe that miracles happen and we are privileged to be part of a community who gets to see these miracles being born every week. What i know to be true is that in one of those weeks, the baby being born will be yours.
“But the truth is, no matter what the nuance, this is YOUR pregnancy…even if it’s not in your body. You and your husband are the only reason this pregnancy exists. I like to think that all IPs on this path are brave souls who maintain a strong emotional connection that replaces a physical connection that would have occurred in a traditional pregnancy.”The blogs document that the commissioning parents are very well aware of that the surrogacy arrangements are not simply comparable to foreign aid. The Western ‘patients’ do in some sense understand themselves as cultural ambassadors (a term that is also used on the fertility clinics websites), but at the same time they consider and reflect the commercial part of the deal within a framework of neoliberal arguments. Names, metaphors and the visual expression of the weblogs reveal that the intended parents use a ‘gift economy’ framework, and that the gift is the child. While you typically do not pay for a gift, the intended parents understand their payment as symbolically consisting of intentionality combined with the pain and worries they have felt during the long waiting period. Only the service of the surrogate is paid for with actual money.
“So, here we have an egg donor from South Africa, a surrogate in India and a couple in Australia making a family. Wow. It is such an honour to be the instigator of this process and make friends with people from across the world, who only have our best interests at heart.” (3)And Tracy compares her experience of the Indian reproduction process with a sports team, though in a way that it also addresses the rhetoric in late modern business management where coaching, project management and team building are key words:
“Anyone pursuing surrogacy should know that it is the ultimate team effort.Tracy distributes ‘roles’ that reflect the way in which she emotionally experiences the situation. In this manner, the surrogate mother ‘M’ is ‘starring’ as ‘Captain’, the doctors are ‘coaches’ and she and her spouse takes more peripheral positions. But in reality the surrogate mother does not have much to say and will be replaced if she does not meet the intended parents’ expectations, just as the doctor and the clinic does. It is without discussion the paying parents who puts together and leads the team, and the mentioned ‘lifelong’ relationship will only be through the child's existence, since the parents neither have intention nor the possibility of keeping in touch with the Indian surrogates.
M is the captain - the glue (literally) that holds us all together
I am the quarterback - in charge of distributing the ball (or eggs, if you will)
B is on special teams - usually on the sidelines, but an indispensible part of the team
Dr. Patel is the coach - writing the play book and leading us all to victory
We have learned to trust in and have created a lifelong bond with our new teammates.
Although we all have different tasks we all share the same goal.” (4)